Thursday, February 4, 2010

Humiliation

                                                             

  What timing for our next chapter review in "Leaning Into God When Life Is Pushing You Away"!  Our discussion on my husband's book now takes us to "Finding Freedom When Isolated Through Humiliation."   According to the dictionary the definition of humiliation is "reducing or lowering one's position in their own eyes or in the eyes of others."  Further, the act of trying to humiliate someone can be extremely destructive to one's self-respect and dignity.
  Maybe you read one of the twenty or so recent press releases issued by the Crystal Cathedral just a few days ago?  Ironically this deluge of several derogitory interviews and stories started on my birthday,  January 29th,  and ran through the weekend!  If you caught any of these stories you might have picked up on some rather disparaging remarks being slung around regarding my husband, Robert.  One of our friends on the East Coast emailed us an article from the New York Times along with the comment, "They sure threw you under the bus!"
Figuratively speaking, of course,  there will always be those people who want to throw us under the bus, feed us to the sharks, or dump us into a deep well to get rid of us (as did Joseph's brothers in the Old Testament story).   The important thing to ask yourself is "when these injustices happen to me, how am I going to react?"  I would be dishonest if I didn't tell you that after I read the articles I wanted to "set the record straight" for the many misrepresentations that were quoted in some of the articles.  I wanted to scream, "leave my husband out of your mess... we have moved on!"  I wanted to dig through our records to provide proof that my husband had nothing to do with the downturn of what was once a very successful Christian ministry.   I wanted to share with the world some of the thousands of sad letters and comments that have arrived for us over the past year and a half via email and the U.S. post office.  I was so angry because I felt that once again Robert had been unjustly accused in an attempt to humiliate him.  Only a few days prior Robert's good news that his new program, "Everyday Life" had been nominated for a MovieGuide Award was announced.   For hours I contemplated revenge and my mind was filled with frustration and thoughts of getting back at the people who continue to try to hurt us.  The good news is this:   I did not do any of the above... nor will I.   Instead I went outside the next morning and I did what I always do.   I read my Bible and I prayed.   I read half of Psalm 119 one day and the other half the next.  I meditated on verses such as:  22-24  "Remove me from scorn and contempt, for I keep your statutes.  Though rulers sit together and slander me, your servant will meditate on your decrees.  Your statutes are my delight.  They are my counselors."  And verses 69, and 70,  "Though the arrogant have smeared me with lies,  I keep your precepts with all my heart.  Their hearts are callous and unfeeling,  but I delight in your law. "
The truth is the more I think about humiliation the more I conclude that no one can humiliate you without your permission.  The great psychologist and holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl experienced the worst kind of humiliation through his near death experience in the concentration camp.  Through all his suffering and pain he practiced as part of what he later taught in his "logotherapy"  "you can take everything away from me but you can never take away my freedom of how I will react".
  We read in the new testament, "It is for freedom the Christ has set us Free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery...You my brothers, were called to be free."  Galatians 5:1, 13   Yes, we are free to decide how we will react to people's attempt to humiliate us.   They cannot enslave us by forcing us to react the way they want us to.   My husband ends the chapter by saying that the last thing in the world you want to do when you have been humiliated is to disconnect from God and his truth.  Indeed you want to do what Jesus did in the day of his own humiliation--entrust yourself to God:  "when they hurled insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats.  Instead he entrusted himself to him who judges justly."  1 Peter 2:23
Maybe you have felt humiliated over the loss of a marriage, a job, your health, or your reputation.  Or perhaps you have been made a scapegoat as a result of another person's mistake.  Although these situations can be painful and you will need to go through a season of healthy grief, remember in the end that Christ has set you free.   With God's help and through prayer,  you decide how you will react to life's ups and downs.   Entrust your lives to Him and remember that God is blessing you always!  Donna

38 comments:

  1. I told on Angie's blog, I do not believe rumors. I got aware that something is wrong, Newspaper articles, via Angie. They wanted to find a culprit and unfortunately they found somebody in Robert. The whole story is sooo... sad, I turned away from CC. No sermons, no websites, no donations, no email news anymore. Found now satisfaction with other churches. Good you didn't nothing to set everything clear in puplic (Newapaper) It could have caused a chain reaction and they could have written another article. - I went through humiliation as well in my life. I ended up feeling depressed and not being a person with much value. Now, I get angry for a short time then I smile again and walk away from this people, job too. If it's a relative like a cousion or so I do not get in touch anymore or my parents who humiliated me a bit in the past, I tray to forgive and meeting them as less as possible. Just phone calls. It's hard, but do I like to get sick at the end? No! Talking to them leads to nothing. - It's good you are outspoken and you get your grief off your chest. I appreciate it very much! I love you Donna and Robert and understand your feelings. -- I know with the help of God we can overcome everything. He always will send us people who believe in us and are there when we grief. I have had this luck and even when they are not by my side, I think of them and my grief takes a positive end. - Blessings and prayers, Rose

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  2. The followers of Robert know the many years of dedicated wonderful service by RAS and you! It is sad that like often, a "story" is written to drag readers into the story's reading, when it is really just an old story and just is an attempt to stir the pot (cauldren) and keep the story in the news! That is my view.

    But, I too was briefly angry, especially as you, Robert and your children are doing such great things and other great things have been happening...the birth of Haven Claire your Grandaughter, the Epiphany Award nomination for Everyday Life, Anthony's missionary work,
    etc, etc, etc! I am so proud that you and your daughters and sons are not allowing this latest ridiculous set of stories drag you away from the positive ways, like your morning reading as you wrote. The trip to The Holy Land that Christina is supervising arrangements, is not far off and so as hard as it is and comments as you and Angie put on her site were most appreciated by me and others I expect, as we can see, you are staying "HIS Course" which is uplifting and calming for me to read.

    Filled with HIS love for you and yours

    Jan-Michael

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  3. Jan-Michael are you going to the Holy Land trip? Swiss Rose

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  4. A lot of truth...
    Great blog!

    Faith...

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  5. Donna, we believe in you and Robert and your family. We are so sorry you are having to go through all the inuendos and accusations again.
    We know better than to believe the stories, and so glad Angie set the record straight on her blog. Our prayers for your family to continue to serve the Lord in His way. We love you all.

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  6. I tried to put a comment in
    yesterday it didn't go through.
    Since then Jan-Michael has put
    a comment in. I would like to
    say how much I agree what Jan-Michael says as well as what you say Donna, I pray nearly every day for you
    Donna, Robert A and other
    members of your family
    God bless you all Barbie M

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  7. Those of us who believe in Robert,you and Bobby and the wonderful work you are doing don't even pay attention to this malicious garbage it's just someone trying to get attention to their losing cause.
    You and your family have been true Christians throughout all of this and have earned the respect, love and admiration of all of us.
    God bless!!!!

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  8. Patty is right. They just want to keep it in the news. You have turned the other cheek and moved on. And that's what they do not like. Keep on doing your good work. God Bless You All.
    Cysradill

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  9. Donna, you have a beautiful heart filled, God filled blog here and I commend you for it. When I heard about the Glory of Easter being cancelled my first thought was - "well, its probably because they got rid of Robert." Stay on your path of love and all will be well with you and your family. Blessings to you.

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  10. Dear Donna,
    I'm sorry that you and Robert are going through such a difficult time again. I really appreciate your ministry as a couple. Both of you are led by God. I will pray for your family.
    Liz

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  11. A persons character is defined by how you pick yourself up and handle adversity.....not by how powerful your message can be in a press release (although I can write a pretty good press release..LOL). Stay strong!! George in Ohio

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  12. Folk, unfortunately to many people believe in rumors or are following the "false prophet." - It is to understand that Donna reacted with good cause deeply hurted and angry. - Blessings, Rose

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  13. Donna, I want you and your family to know that I love you all so much and I love what your family is doing. I'm also very proud of the award Robert has won for his tv work! :)

    I've tried to watch Hour of Power once or twice since you two have not been there, but always turn it off. I feel the Hour of Power is now powerless because of its extreme negativity (ironic, huh?)! I'm sure it's hard not to be sucked into it when it turns on you personally. I am so inspired by yours and Robert's true positive spirit in the midst of hurt and discomfort and that you resist answering back. It is always damaging to try to answer to the dark force, the one that's taken over the cc now.

    Keep going!

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  14. And again they try to hurt Robert and you. But your reaction to this attack is praisworthy!!!
    Donna, you and Robert are crowned with laurel!!! You two are wonderful persons with the right attitude. My prayers are for you Robert and your family.
    God be with you.

    Blessing and love, Ria

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  15. Ria, amen to your comment. - Blessings to you all, Rose

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  16. Donna,I write this comment right after my prayer for you and while praying it crossed my mind that due to the time difference (we are 9 hours ahead) you,I hope,are enjoying a good nights rest. Isn't it nice to think about that whether you are awake or asleep you are surrounded with prayer by people who love you and Robert.
    In Australia, Switserland, Canada, The netherlands etc.etc. I believe that our prayer has MUCH more POWER than any negative publicity or attack from the ones who want to hurt you!!
    Love conquers all!!!!

    Be blessed today and always ♥ Ria

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  17. Donna I really enjoyed this blog. First I want you to know that when we saw the news reports on our local news my prayers went into high gear for you, Robert and your family.

    Years ago my husband and I lost jobs and ended up going through bankruptcy. It was very hard and very humiliating. It was a tough time and at first it was easy to blame others and even each other for the mess we were in. Finally we did what we should have done from the beginning and turned to God. We worked our way back and just when we were getting comfortable, surprise, we had to move so my husband could keep his job. Ouch, we moved from an inexpensive part of the United States to a very expensive part of the United States. Little did we know that two years of no pay raises would follow and once again we found ourselves in a situation where we were just hanging on by the tips of our nails. This time we took everything to God and asked him to help us get through the tough times. The first two years were pretty tough but we have continued to work and trust and the next 5 years slowly got easier. We've now lived in Washington for 7 years and though they have been hard we have hung in together as a family and have trusted that God will continue to bless us and see us through.

    We may not have a lot of "stuff" but that just does not seem important compared to what we do have. Strong Faith and belief, tons of love and a willingness to embrace life no matter what happens.

    Blessings to you and yours,
    Dana

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  18. Thank you for your insight Donna, as an employee of the Crystal Cathedral Ministries soon to be displaced by their financial mismanagement, I too have felt embarassed and humiliated. But I also know from the past that vengence is the lord's not ours and God is not one of vengence, but a God of love and firm consequences to our actions. Jesus took the higher road at all times, and we are to follow his example. It is hard to offer the other cheek, but here I am day after day in the office knowing it is only for another 50 days and grieving for our displaced churches and guests at Rancho Capistrano, which is a thriving, amazing Spiritual Oasis that you, Robert, and all of us on staff helped to create along with many many daily miracles from God! Some weekends we fed 2500 guests with a kitchen staff of 4 or 5 out of a tiny kitchen. The grounds were maintained by one full time and 4 part time employees and always looked amazing. The miracles go on and on. I also know when one door closes, another greater one opens, and am looking forward to this in my life!

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  19. Darlene, I'm sorry to here your desplaced. - I think since Robert and some others had to leave CC because of the new format nothing functioned anymore. It seems to go on and on. Very, very sad story. I hope not to hear one day CC do not exist anymore. Blessings, Rose

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  20. You are all special people. God loves you and wants you to be happy and smile no matter what may be happening in your life.

    Happy Valentine's Day and your card from me is on the following link you can type or copy and paste.

    Have a lovely day!

    http://tinyurl.com/yey7ynm

    Love from Jan-Michael

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  21. Loved the card Jan-Michael...very cute. You're so thoughtful...Happy Valentines Day to you also. I had a wonderful weekend visiting my mother with my husband in Cincinnati, Ohio. All of my siblings got together and purchased a new HD TV for her and she was beyond thrilled.

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  22. Wow, so shocking that you say you've seen all these articals that bag on Robert. I have not seen one artical that throws Robert under the bus. Quite opposite, They only bag on how the Cathedral did him wrong. Whatever. I dont think you have gotten past anything. You and Angie are angry women that just keep bringing up past things. It looks like Robert is happy doing his new program, and thats wonderful. Everyone is happy for him. The Cathedral is doing OK without him. This economy is terrible and money is tight everywhere. So quit blaming the money decline on the Robert leaving. It was going down long before he left. It is so sad that one of your bloggers says "I hope the Cathedral stops its ministry" Boy, thats a real christian for sure. God does still meet people through the Cathedral. I know it's hard to imagine that that could happen since you both left. But it does. Calls are coming in everyday of the blessings people have had through the ministry.
    So please, go on with your lives and stop doing the poor us thing. Some of us that read your blog to see what your up to are fed up reading about how the leaders at the Cathedral did you wrong. Move on please. Thank you for listening

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  23. Oh no!!!It can’t be you have to come as Anonumous to be so unfriendly with Robert, Donna and Angie too. Please leave this three in peace. They grief and are deeply hurt inside and tell it to their followers/friends. That’s wonderful! Like that we all are able to comfort them with words and prayers. I tell you fellow, if you have no good words left for them, it’s better you do not post. A hurted, Swiss Rose

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  24. I second that Rose! Not throwing Robert under the bus? Robert's sister Sheila was quoted as saying Robert wasn't ready to take the helm....after 30 yrs. of service to the Cathedral?!He grew up in the Cathedral. How much experience does one need? Also the AP article that said money woes ACCELERATED under Robert(which is BS as I was attending the Cathedral and never ever felt that Robert was accelerating anything in a reckless manner). He brought prayer and hope to everyone. Did you ever attend one of his services when people came up in droves to be baptized by him with Donna at his side? These two facts prove that they continue to throw him under the bus. Sheila is loving the spotlight and so is her husband who helped put her there and others on the board also. All of this talk on TV interviews about her breaking the glass ceiling in the CC. This is a church, not a testament to her ability of personal acheivement in a competative world. The job was handed to her on a silver platter. This is flat out sibling rivalry. I'm beginning to think that ANONYMOUS is someone from the other camp so to speak.....why else would it(since anonymous still is too cowardly to tell us who it is) be trolling the blog. Get a life and get your facts straight yet again. Stop stirring up trouble and get your Bible out and pray that you become more Christian like in your behavior. Shame on you. Mary Alvarez

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  25. Thanks, good said Mary. Your right. – Blessings, Rose

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  26. Was just reading...

    Who-ever the above ANONYMOUS is...has a right of free speech and to voice his/her views. Not a fan of censoring at all...

    Unless...Was it Vulgar? Slanderous? or Threatening?

    NO.

    Maybe, both sides need to move forward with accepting it's truth. How long is long enough to feel bad about all this? People have gone through much, much worse in everyday life. This is no different.

    In addition, the press release were managed very poorly on both sides. Robert A. was invited to participate at the sermon tours. He chose to move on for his own personal reasons. And there is a lot more...

    What bothers me...is that Robert A. wont clarify anything in his own press release statements. Nothing of recent, anyways. That is not right either in a very public family fight...or controversy. Set the record straight, in his own press release. What a mess. But, he does have the right to privacy and to move forward/on. But can they move on or forward.?

    Most could...lol

    Maybe, both families need to adjust and fix these conflicts in private. Leaders move forward and I do not see much mending from either sides...Are there any leaders that would not mend these problems? Why has no-one fixed or mended? Hurt...

    Leadership-

    So, maybe, there needs to be offline mending. But, dont bash us, the viewers, for our freedom of speech and views. It was handled very poorly from all sides.

    This is not the above anonymous, but do respect their privacy if they so choose. It's a blog...

    Disappointing- To watch.

    "Inspire the WORD to inspire the WORLD"

    Al

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  27. Al, and to all others. We can express everything, but we have to pay attention how it comes out of our mouth. Attacking others with our words,because we have another opinion about a subject or action is not a christian behavier and can make others hurt, angry and sick. When we do it, something in our lifes got/goes wrong and we have to first come in terms with ourselfs. We better spread out love otherwise we never get a better world. Or do we like to call people friends when they attack us verbally. Certainly not! - Blessing, Rose

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  28. True...

    But, I like honesty too.

    Point well taken...and just would only add that it is a public blog and fair in voicing all views.

    Point well taken...

    Donna has a pretty good blog!
    Blessings-
    Al

    "Inspire the WORD to inspire the WORLD"
    That above saying actually might end up being copyrighted in my own book...and it all started in these blogs...lol

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  29. Hi! Funny but it seems like every time I am out of town some controversial discussions take place! First and most importantly please remember that this blog has evolved into an online Christian community (a blog church). As such we should be careful that we don't purposely offend any of the other members. As for me, I have been pastoring for 24 years and I am prepared to hear almost anything. Imagine how differently we might speak to one another if we were sitting next to one another in a church on a Sunday morning! I agree with freedom of speech to a point.
    Secondly, it appears that some might take my honesty as bitterness or not moving on. Truth is, once in a while I struggle with hurt and anger from all kinds of things, current and past. I believe we all do from time to time (if we are honest and in touch with our emotions) I come out of a psychological/recovery back round and I make a point on purpose of sharing my personal recovery from various issues. When I speak publicly I use the same model and in my devotional books I have done the same. Lot's of sharing of my personal testimony and how God has helped me overcome. I just so happens that recently every few weeks something new comes out in the press relating to my husband which also affects me! I make an attempt to use these situations as teaching tools to let people know that we all go through uncomfortable and sometimes painful situations in life but God will always carry us through. I do not ignore the issues and I am still a public person.
    As for saying that Robert "won't clarify" certain issues there have been many press releases announcing where he is putting his efforts these days. Namely into Comstar Media with the goal of acquiring and re-branding television networks and producing family friendly/Judeo-Christian values television. It is all great news! I agree that there is no need to live in the past or be filled with "what ifs". It is much more productive to keep your eyes focused on the goals which God has put before you. (seems I've read that somewhere before!)
    Lastly, often when we are angered, offended, or take something someone shares "the wrong way", it could be bringing up something in our own life that we need to take an honest look at. "Do not judge, or you too will be judged, for in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the same measure you use it, it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck of sawdust in your brother's and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" Words of Jesus found in Matthew 7:1-3
    You are all loved and prayed for. God is blessing you! Donna

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  30. Thanks Donna, for your enty. I'm with you and Robert in your laughter and your tears. Do not worry you never said something wrong. I Love people who express themselfs. That's not easy. Always somebody is arround who is criticizing in a negative sense. I ask me why?!!! I have to feel it myself. But I'm here and try to give you my love and uplifting you. - Blessings, Rose

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  31. Donna,

    Point well taken, and blessing's to all.

    Al

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  32. Donna, I've never met you but enjoyed meeting Robert at one of the Leadership conferences at the CC a number of years ago when he was still pastoring at Rancho Capistrano. My partner and I met some really great people who introduced him to us, and we both corresponded with several for a number of years. Probably 30 or so of us have supported the CC as long as 30 years. When "everything" started happening it was a huge let down for all of us. I have based my counselling (am a shrink) and other businesses on the basics Robert H has taught for years--accountability being at the top. RAS brought a new and different approach in teaching which was refreshing and educating, and both RAS and RHS brought a an exciting understanding of Jesus and what He teaches us today. They were different in their approach but the same in impact. For those of us in Texas, it appears RAS knew what needed to be done and tried to lead by the same principals RHS taught. It's perfectly all right for everyone knowing the situation to be vocal about it--that's human. Robert studied most of his life for the ministry. His older sister did not. People married into the family who have not studied but who have control over the son who put his life into study. How often have we seen a father build something from nothing,pouring in the time, dealing with all the challenges and hand the operation over to family members who did not earn the positions or ever have to fight for the success? It's all right for everyone to feel the way he feels. Given the scope of the ministry no one can imagine the impact you and Robert must have felt. Here we think RHS has lost control, and Sheila was convenient to put in place, again family. We don't like the shallowness and being talked to in a voice like we're children...With all that has happened, we're saddened to think much of what has been preached to us over the years was only a front.The current results can only make one wonder. But thank you and Dr. Robert A. Schuller for your dignity; we believe you really do have the formula for success in life, and we look forward to seeing the positive things which will be God inspired in you, and again, it's all right for everyone to vent a little considering everything.--Rick

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  33. I remember one service of Robert's when he played the timpani drums. He was magnificent and I thought that was his passion. I had never seen him quite so joyful. Make a noise unto the Lord Robert maybe you were called to be a drummer.

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  34. Ha! Drumming! Yes, he loved it but he didn't think he did a very good job! He does play all of the string instruments although he doesn't really practice anymore. He does play the piano once in a while. I don't think you can expect him to go into drumming! He is pretty busy building the media company too! Thanks for the comment. Donna

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  35. Donna, the instrument things sounds wonderful! It's so good being talented to play instruments. I would love I could play guitar, my favorite instrument I trayed years ago but have had to discover, I'am untalented. - Blessings Rose

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  36. Donna and beloved flock :)

    I am often horrified at what Christians do to one another. Just remember - if God be for us who can be against us? I love RAS, you Donna, and your beautiful children and the wonderful new church you are building. Jesus is the foundation.
    I always pray for CC and HOP and still watch on occassion. It seems sad that a man in his twilight years is watching such a shake down in his ministry. I don't feel the same anointing I did when RAS was there. HOP was at a crossroads and chose another path. God is the judge not I but I still feel very sad over all that happened. I am so very happy that you all have moved on, given birth to a new church, and created our wonderful 'blog cyber flock' :)
    I love you all. May God grant you His shalom - or has my Jewish believer hubby tells me - 'shalomi which wishes others 'my peace.' I love that.
    bless you all and enjoy this wonderful spring.

    shalomi :)
    Marcianne

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  37. My recently personal experience about humiliation, from my dad. We have been sitting in my parents living room. He was telling me somthing complicated tecnical. I was listening and at a certain point I dared to say something to the subject. He begun to shout at me, why I dare to interupt him and not listening to him. It’s as well when our opinions are not the same.You never say what I do...He stud up and disapeared with swearing at me. I wanted to calm him, but no chance. He thought like always he is right and I’m the bad person. Telling my parents about my trip to Israel caused critisim too or telling a wee bit about my faith I’m judged also. It gave times I asked me why all that has to be, he has not the right to claim all right for himself and looking at others as no-goods. – I guess it’s his helplessness, because he never overcome the negative things he experienced during his childhood and do not want to overcome them. For me it’s painful! But nobody has the right of humiliating others. I have had to learn it on a not easy way that we just can live in peace with others when we accept people for what they are with all weekness and talents. We can only learn from others when we do not have the only I mentality. When we critisize and express another opinion we not discriminate. - Do we think of Christ and God they loves us unconditionally and we can come towards them with everything and can feel the peace. Isn’t it great?! So never humiliate others just because you do not agree with them! - Blessings Rose

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Thank you for taking the time to comment on my blog. Please try to stay on the topic and remember also that there are many who are struggling through all kinds of challenges. Let's all be kind and thoughtful with our comments please! :D